Awakened
stained by
the ink of night
Awakened
nightmares
half-eaten by
invisible rats
Awakened
stillness of city dawn
but for muted sounds
of sharpening blades
Awakened
grateful walk
into morning
to tones of fugue master
Sheep are safely grazing
still untouched by
man’s nightmare needs.
-0-
Dark & powerful poem, Jacquie ~ with a poignant ending. Brilliant!
Yes, dark…thank you so much P. Your read and comment mean alot to me!
This is a fine and frightful thing. Dug deep and lifted far, I think.
Thanks for sharing this, Jacquie
This poem has been calling to me for some time, John. Had to do it. You know well that feeling. Thanks so much for your read and insight!
There are things I really love in this Jackie, but the form cries out for it to be adhered to so the end feels as if it falls apart–do you get my meaning? Once you have started on the “Awakening” line, you need to stick to it. I really enjoyed reading it though–and that music means a lot to me too:)
I’m struggling a little here with what you’re trying to tell me. I’ll be back…
Steve, I hear you, but I can’t change that ending…I wanted to evoke a feeling of uncertainty at the end, and since I still feel it as is, I’m going to leave it as is. But thanks ever so much for your thoughtful critique. And Hugs!
)
This is a poem which bites on to me. I had to read it more than twice. Because it evokes a mixed feeling with contrasting images; and it leaves a discomfort. Like awakening into a peaceful, elusive calm between two nightmares. Great!
Hugs to you, Martin : )
O, wow, Martin! You certainly experienced the feelings I was trying to evoke here! That gladdens me so! The mixed feelings, and the uncertainty is what I was aiming for, and you got it! Thanks so much for the read and sensitive comment. And hugs back to you!
Ahh Jackie I felt and sensed the almost grating frustration of the sounds ‘Awakening’
‘sharpening blades’
and I winced at the line
‘half-eaten by
invisible rats’
and then the juxtaposition of the innocence
of the ‘sheep grazing’ ‘safely’
untouched by the ‘nightmares’ of man
This was a very poignant write Jackie
and had such an immense layering of depth
in and between the lines
provoking much thought and feeling
~ Warm Hugs ~
Lib x
Hi, Lib! So glad you connected to this piece. Nagging at me for some time to be written. Thanks so much for your read, insight, and comment.:))
Nothing like the tranquility of Bach to contrast with the darkness, invisibility and the grating of city’s fast life. Beautiful poem, Jackie. And I think you’re ending is perfect. The night had to fall apart to make way for sheep grazing safely … now we can count them and fall into blissful sleep.
Ah, thank you so much, Q, for that sensitive and thoughtful read, and the lovely comment. The sheep are safe for the time being, yes..but man and his nightmares lurk. Can we count on man to keep those sheep safely grazing? That is the question. Thanks again, my friend!
It is a pleasure, Jackie. But your questions make me wonder. Why are the sheep safe? Are they really safe? Or is it an illusion. And do they not also have nightmares? Maybe some of the sheep think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but they might fear defecting from the flock.
How intelligent you are! The sheep are safe only for the time being in my mind. Man’s greed and need for meat will not keep them safe for long. The stanza about the blades being silently honed is a clue…the nightmare, I think does not reach the sheep until captured for slaughter. The nightmare is man’s avarice and his not so always good stewardship of plants and animals. Yes, we need plants and animals for food and many other things, but we poison our natural resources, and lay waste. This is my nightmare…or at least one of them. Thanks so much again, Q, for your thoughtful read!
deep, dark and evocative. nice penning.
Kellie
@BackyardPonders
Glad you connected to this piece. Thanks much for the read and comment!
That definitely has the touch of darnkenss ~ the relief at the end of another night ~ dawn’s light is definitely welcomed!
Yes, the poem is dark, and that relief at the end is questionable…because that sheep will be lamb chops. Clue in the stanza about Gotham sharpening blades. The threat of man’s greed and waste is what I am driving at here. Thanks so much for the read and comment!
Truly the darkness does surround your verse. Some nights I just want to kill those sheep too. They baa too much..haha
They baa in the night, Pat, maybe because they know you want to kill them! Shame on you! Anyway, I know you’re joking…sort of…thanks for the read!
Deep, dark and excellent!
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this piece, and for the nice comment!
yeah but they better not rest on their laurels…the men are coming with shears for their coats and stakes for their babies…i really was talking about the sheep and not making a political statement…smiles…really….no really…smiles….ack invisible rats!
Hi, B! Yeah, you got it alright. Those blades being sharpened were being honed for iminent sacrifice, unless, of course, the rats got their first…thanks for read and comment, Brian!
Dark and light so beautifully combined – the reference to Bach is perfect – to me it suggests that darkness is always lurking – I wish the invisible rats would eat the whole nightmare – not just half
Hey M! So glad you related to this…yes, darkness is always there…and we don’t choose between dark and light in our dreams, do we. Thanks much for the read and comment!
Third stanza really grabbed me, but the whole thing keeps that surreal dream feel of symbol and nuance, nothing as it seems, all mood and hints and ambiguity. Very good stuff.
Hedge, you certainly got the point and nailed it. Thanks much for the read and comment!
Reads like the balancing on scales of opposing nightmares, and I catch an ambivalence lurking in the first two stanzas…. Good write
Brian, you seem to have connected to this piece, and I thank you for the read and sensitive comment!
simple and powerful, I love the fourth stanza x
Jennifer! Thanks so much for the read and the lovely comment!
“fugue” – great word! loved the carry of dark to light, imagery you pull through here transitions so well. Lovely write and thank you for the kind visit and compliment on my words, appreciate you! ~ Rose
Always interested in your unique poetry, Rose. U R most welcome!. Thank you much for the appreciation of “The Awakening”, your read and lovely comment!
You’ve really called up that world of terror we find in another life. I’m really drawn into the way it affected you and your relief from the terrifying emotions is nicely drawn with the idyllic. I am quite taken with the use of everyday words to convey your emotions. The lack of overly sensational adjectives and adverbs makes the poem read really well.
Hi,Chazzy! Yes,there was some relief in the idyllic, as you say. However, the idyllic is also threatened. Those sheep are grazing safely, only for a while. The clue to their desmise is in the stanza where blades are being sharpened. I tried to point out the greed and waste in our stewardship of Plant Earth. Thank you so much for your sensitive read and comment. Much appreciated!
Jackie,
“Sheep are safely grazing
still untouched by
man’s nightmare needs.”
There’s a lot of tension in this stanza–of course the sheep won’t ultimately escape…This is a powerful work. The human references are great, too: For me, the “grateful walk” seems like temporary respite and denial. Nothing and no one is really safe!
Boy, Steve,did you ever nail it! Yes, the morning walk is a respite…the blades are being honed, the sheep are yet undisturbed…but for how long…and you are so right..nothing, no one is safe. Only respites. Thanks so much for your read and right-on comment. Missed your entry this time. Hope all is well with you. Warm regards.
)
smart wordings…
keep it up.
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement! But who are you? I tried to check your blog and received message that the page does not exist.